HOW TO BE SAFE AT HOME
In the light of recent police announcements that they no
longer consider it necessary to attend the scene of domestic burglaries I have
taken down the St. George's flag from beside the house and peeled the burglar
alarm sticker off the front door. We've disconnected our home alarm system and
quit our Neighbourhood Watch.
I've bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the
front garden, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the centre. Now
the local police, CID, MI5, SAS and other UK Counter Terrorism agencies are
all watching the house 24/7.
We've never felt safer and are saving £24.95 a
month.
WALKING EAGLE
On a trip to the United States, Tony Blair, Ex. Prime
Minister of the UK, once addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians. He
spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a Carbon Trading Tax for the UK and
Europe At
the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed
with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. A
very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.. A
news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new
name given to Tony Blair They
explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of S*!@ that it
can no longer fly.
WHAT YOU CAN'T ASK
Hans, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to Orlando,
Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks
him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit,
and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to
entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit,
and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and
walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked
for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would
surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Hans. They sit and talk, frolic a
little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and
smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like
this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work
herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man
could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has
made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a
lesson.
So she goes over to Hans and says that she's the best in the
house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink
and then she sits in his lap.
Hans leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in
Euros?" |
